Two weeks
It’s now been two weeks and while I can’t claim that things are back to “normal” (I doubt they ever will be) I’m a little more stable, although that breaks down from time to time. Like yesterday.
Blue Cross calls people with chronic diseases from time to time for some unknown reason. Personally, I think it’s just to make sure you’re doing what they want you to do or build a case for canceling your insurance. I told her as much, but she denied it saying nothing ever gets back to BC/BS. I’m not inclined to believe her. The calls are always the same. What’s your A1c? Still taking these drugs? When was your last checkup? How often do you eat out? What’s your fasting BG? It’s more of an inquisition than anything. Some of them are nice, but in a professional sort of way, IYKWIM. Anyway, she was asking about whether my stress level had gone down, and I sort of lost it on the phone and couldn’t continue the call. Don’t know if they’re going to continue this “service” or not. I think not.
Then I called the local shelter to see if they wanted the food I have. I’ve got two 8# bags of Wysong, one unopened, and another open but full 30# bag of Wellness (that he wouldn’t eat). They wouldn’t take it, they only accept Science Diet. So I’ve got a bunch of food.
I took what treats I have down to the Virginia the Realtor who always gave him treats when we walked by on our evening walk. She was pretty upset at the news, and I lost it again.
I did make it back to they gym, though. I’m sure it’s a good thing, but it was tough. I get on the elliptical machine and my mind starts to wander. Except that it wanders into places I’d rather not go. So I turn up the music, shut my eyes, and try to concentrate on my breathing. It mostly works. It really only gets better after I’ve renewed the clock a couple of times and am on my 50th minute. Then, as I’m standing in the shower, I realize, again, that I don’t have to watch the clock as there’s no reason to get home at any particular time. But at least by that time, I was really tired and able to keep it together.
I really think the last couple of months has set off another round of depression. I’m not really sure what to do about it, but I don’t want to keep on this way. I have a checkup tomorrow, so I’ll talk it over then, but the doctor is usually so pressed for time, it’s like pulling teeth to get him to talk about anything but what the numbers say. An imaginary internet friend has invited me out to Seattle, so I’m looking at flights. I can go any time after about Feb 4. Maybe it will make a difference. Maybe not.
